All the Kings Horses and All the Kings Men
by CountTheCrows
Summary: Joan has been away at NYU for the past two years, not seeing any of her family or friends. But when someone shows up, will she be able to finally forgive her loved ones and put the past behind her?
1. Chapter 1

It had been so long ago, or so it seemed to her.

Maybe it hadn't been so long, maybe she just thought it was. She looked at the calendar, July 2008. _Two years, _she thought. _It's been two years since I graduated from Arcadia High school, and two years since I've been home_. But who could blame her? After the whole Ryan debacle, after what she had to do to catch him, she couldn't look at any of them. The minute she graduated, she took the money she had been saving from her job at the bookstore, took her NYU packet, and hopped on a bus.

"You know how...sorry we are...don't you?" Joan nodded at her mother who pulled her into a hug. Joan was lifeless.

"You'll call us? And come home to visit?" Her dad asked. Once again she nodded. She looked around at the rest of them, Kevin, Luke, Grace and Adam. Adam just looked at her with sad eyes. The eyes of someone who felt betrayed with a twinge of regret and embarrassment. He felt betrayed by Ryan and regretted the way he had treated Joan. Embarrassed that he was able to fall under the devil's spell. He had lost her. He couldn't say anything that would make her come back and be his again. He knew that. Adam was the only one who knew that she wouldn't be coming back.

She didn't lie, she did call when she got there for the summer session. But she didn't visit, and soon, the calls stopped. Helen begged her husband to go to New York and drag their daughter home, convinced that she was depressed, on the verge of suicide. She had fallen in with the wrong crowd, done drugs, was roaming the streets. Dropped out of school and was homeless. Or worse, she was no more.

Will knew that Joan felt like she no longer belonged to her family. He blamed himself. He couldn't blame Joan and he couldn't drag her home.

Joan hadn't dropped out, in fact, she was doing extremely well in school. She was majoring in sociology, on her way to becoming a social worker. Guess talking to God really did show her the gift she could give to the world.

She had friends, and even was seeing someone. A great someone. A non-Adam someone. His name was Breckin. Suddenly the phone rang, Joan let the machine pick up. She didn't feel like answering.

_Hi! You've reached Joan and Astrid. Please leave a message at the beep. Beeeeeep_

"Hi..." Joan knew the voice immediately. She quivered. "Jane...Joan. Um, it's me...Adam. So I'm here, in New York, I'm in an art show. I had your number...I just thought maybe I could see you. Sometime. This week. Well I'm staying at a friend's house. I'll leave you the number. Call me if you want to see me. Please."

Joan turned her attention to the calendar again. _Maybe it hasn't been long enough_.


	2. The ABC's of X's

**Author's Note:  First of all, I wanted to thank everybody for taking the time for reading and reviewing my story, I really do appreciate it. However, lately I have been getting a lot of reviews basically demanding me to update the story and that makes me upset. I realize people get into a story and want it to get updated right away but it isn't that easy. I am in my last semester of college and I have a lot of work right now as well as some very personal family issues going on. I am sorry that I haven't had the time to update but I promise I will get to it as soon as I have time. Please respect that. And continue to enjoy my writing. I hope I didn't offend anyone but I felt the need to say this.**

The ABC's of Ex's

Astrid, Joan's roommate and best friend, walked into their dorm. Astrid was beautiful in Joan's opinion. She was tall, with long blonde hair. She was smart and just a really cool person to be around. She never hid the truth from you, not even if it would spare your feelings. She said it was better to be truthful than to be kind. But she was kind. Astrid was one of those people you felt like you have known your entire life. She immediately knew something was up when she saw Joan's face. She sat down on Joan's bed.

"What's up?"

"Adam."

"_Adam_ Adam?"

"Yeah…_Adam_ Adam."

"Where?"

"On the machine."

"What did he say?" Joan got up from her bed, and threw her hands in the air.

"What does it matter? He wants to see me…blah blah blah. I mean why? Why _now_? Why after two years of silence?"

"Maybe, and I know this is probably _insane_ but maybe he misses you." Joan threw a pillow in Astrid's face. "What?"

"Don't get all sarcastic on me."

"I'm sorry but he hasn't seen you two years. From what you've told me you two had a pretty intense relationship. Maybe he just needed to see you."

"Yeah well I _don't_ want to see him."

"Right." Astrid got up and put her bag on her desk and sat cross-legged on her bed.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you know you do."

"I don't."

"Whatever you say"

"I DON'T" Joan paused. "And even if I did….I have a boyfriend." Astrid made a noise. "What now?"

"B-boy?"

"_Breckin_ is his name. I don't know why you don't like him."

"Because he thinks he's great. And apparently so do you. And that's fine, you know? But I hardly call what you two have a relationship."

"Well we date."

"Casually."

"Yeah well it's on the verge of becoming more than casual. And I don't need Adam getting in the way of that." Astrid looked at Joan, and then walked back to her bed.

"What? Astrid! What?"

"It's just that," Astrid paused "maybe you do." And with that, Joan stared at the phone, sighing. She knew what she had to do, and then she thought, there's a reason why the letter X is at the end of the alphabet. Because we always try to keep our exes in the past.


	3. Nightmares

She couldn't sleep that night. Her mind kept going back to that place. Back there. Where she did not want it to be. She dreamt of dreams that are too dark for nightmares to even go.

_He caressed her and kissed her neck. His hands went further and further. She wanted to fight him but she knew this was the only way to get him. Lying in his bed, in his apartment she felt ill. But catching the devil took the ultimate sacrifice, her virtue. He stopped and looked at her._

"_I've wanted this since….since I first saw you. Couldn't you feel it?" She winced. _

"_I've felt it but I tried fighting it." He nodded._

"_But it didn't work did it?" _

"_No." He kissed her again. _

"_Are you sure you want to?" Of course she didn't want to. She wanted her first time to be with Adam, not HIM. Yet to get him, he needed to be vulnerable. She knew he loved her and hated her at the same time. As for her? She just hated him._

"_I want to." _

_It felt like an eternity for it to be over, when in reality, it was maybe ten minutes. They lied in bed for a while. She took her fingers and stroked his arm._

"_Just one thing" she stared. Carefully though, otherwise this was all for nothing. He smiled._

"_Anything." _

"_The Church. And Mr. Polanski's temple….that was you right?" He sighed._

"_Do we need to discuss this?" Her eyes locked with his. _

"_I need to know." _

"_Yes. I did." She didn't say anything. "And?"_

"_And…it was brilliant." She put her clothes on and walked to the door, but he caught her arm._

"_That was…superb. Too bad Adam never held out." She kissed him on the lips, opened the door and walked out into the hallway. This feeling overcame her, she wanted to vomit. She checked her bag when she got out of the building and took out this little device, no bigger than a small mp3 player. She hit play._

_**Just one thing. Anything. The Church. And Mr. Polanski's temple, that was you right? Do we need to discuss this? I need to know. Yes I did. And? And it was brilliant.**_

_She clicked it off. Now she had all the proof in the world that Ryan Hunter was guilty but she had to wonder, was it really worth it?_

When Joan awoke, she awoke with a deep sweat, panting. She could never see Adam. She could never see any of them.


End file.
